since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
