if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
