oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
