Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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