This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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