Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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