I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
