I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
