Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
