At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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