When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
