GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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