My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize