She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
