I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I want a musical about memes.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
