the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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