I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
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There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
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It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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