Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
