The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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