Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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