obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
