um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
