My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
