i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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