I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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