Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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