Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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