brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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