We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
