Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
