Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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