Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
