He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
