my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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