I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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