i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
