Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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