gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
