My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
