Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
