rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
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So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
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I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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