I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
