What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
