woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize