you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I've blown a few things in my day
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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