'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
