return my video game
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
