when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You had me at "let me see your balls"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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