I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
