Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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