There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
