Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
