The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
