That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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