They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
