Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
