My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
