After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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