You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
