My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
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Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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