I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
