not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
