i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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