just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i love accidental penises.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
