Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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