Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
